Kamalaya Program Description: “This program offers an experience of self discovery and growth both during the immersion in the program as well as a continuation with tools to take back home”
Sarah’s Brain on the first night (I arrived around 5.30pm): “Wow, I’m overwhelmed with excitement but I’m not here long enough…. eek. Okay, so next time I come i need to do this program but with other stuff, i need to come longer, hmm should i bring a friend? No, probably gives too much security. If I get married, should I come here on honeymoon or is that weird, I wonder if I should give this to Bhey as an 18th birthday treat to really help her not make the silly mistakes that can be avoided in life, but then what about my other friends kids… would boys want to come here, guys are here but could a young man appreciate it as much with their macho egos’, hmm but then it’s not really fair is it if you give to one and not the other… I could get them something else of value… but i hate boy stuff… i like girl stuff… hang on, maybe it’s too much money… who do i think i am Oprah…. Hmmm, if i came for a month it would use all my leave, could i work a bit too and consider it like working from home (one guy is doing that), hmm but it’s so expensive and would that kill the magic….I wonder if next time. Maybe i should quit my job and come here it’s what I need to do for myself, hmm and then maybe i need to become buddhist and a yoga teacher and could I be a monk, can girls do that? I think i need to go to an Ashram to fully experience what life has to offer… but I don’t know enough, okay I should buy some books and learn all there is to know bout Buddhism, but hang on….the metor guy everyone raves about is also Hindu… maybe I need to learn that to… I wonder if i could live there (like in India)? Hmm, would I like it.. Hmm, where is my career going…. Oh wow there is a shop, I need to buy every book here, these must be the best books ever because they sell them here… how many books can i read here, I need to read, I should read… Chanting, I hear it’s good maybe I should do that too. Should I do Yoga morning and night? But then when do I run? I need to be able to run 10KM by the time i leave.”
“Woah… you cray cray lady…. Stop…. Wow, you really need this Rajesh guy to sort you out tomorrow….”
Rajesh (Not sure how to describe him, here are some words…Mentor – Indian Guy – Ex Monk – Buddhist – Hindu – Meditation Leader):
“Sarah, you must stop with the extremes…
It’s a cycle… It’s a Loop.
Your life has a pattern, can’t you see….”
Lightbulb! Wow, this is nothing new to me, I know this, I always new this… why did it suddenly click in my head… was it the fresh coconuts and balmy weather?
Sarah’s Brain: “Okay, I definitely need to come here again… Should I live here? How can I, what skills do I have? Can I keep talking with Rajesh after this – we could do Skype sessions… how many, like once a week? Hmm, I think I need a meditation room.. oooh I should go on Pinterest.”
“No, bad Sarah – you’re banned from the internet this holiday… now go medititate or some shit”
Anyway, I wanted to share a few things I learned (I am sure they taught me more or I even got things a little wrong.. but either way this is what I took from the experience) or did whilst I was there…. because one it helps me to remember when I write them down and two because a few of you were very curious about it all!
One: Question my plan mentally before I agree to it (with myself)
This is kinda the self talk I need to start….
Sarah’s Brain: “Okay Sarah, that’s a great plan but let’s try this plan a different way… if you wanted to find the middle ground… what would you do? Lightbulb! Okay, this is what I choose….”
So, this is how it could go…
Sarah Brain: “I love Yoga, Yoga is good for you. I should do it every day and then on my next holiday I should go to India. In India I can do Yoga. I can even become a teacher. I mean I don’t want to give up my normal job, but perhaps I could do it as a hobby… Yeah, that’s a great plan.”
Imaginary Rajesh speaking (but yes, it’s really me talking to myself) – “Okay, that would be pretty amazing… but if you decided to start a little smaller…. where could we start… before you do all this stuff… If the opposite is doing nothing at all, where could you find the middle ground”
Sarah Brain: “Hmmm, okay… what would I recommend to someone else… I got it, I say you try doing Yoga once a week consistently for a year first and perhaps go somewhere really wonderful for a holiday again and do some Yoga, maybe every few days but with good teachers…”
It’s like magic… although like most things in life, I gotta make sure I actually do it…. Damn, I think that’s the hard part…
Sarah… Step away from Pinterest! Okay, well maybe that’s the other extreme… let me find some moderation…
I was so proud of resisting buying ANY books in both Kamalaya and Bangkok … I was tempted I had some in my hands, I browsed for a long time… so many plans….. But don’t worry, I did take pictures of every single book in the store… just for when I’m ready haha.
Two: What you Love and Fear comes to you whether you like it or not!
Sarah’s Brain: “Okay, but before i stop hating stuff… can you please just help me get rid of the bit of excess fat I have and then I’ll start doing this… I promise!”
Explanation from Rajesh….
Sarah’s Brain: “Ah ha, okay I’m just beating myself up…. I’m so mean to me…. be nicer. Sympathise…”
Sarah Speaking Out Loud: “Okay Rajesh, I get it but, like I actually DO need to lose a few kg’s – so my mean chatter is mean but technically right… my pants and scale can prove it…” Sarah’s Brain: “and I saw this cute little outfit on Pinterest and I think I could rock it if I lost a few…”
Hmm, okay we’ll see how we go. I will need to actively practice this….. wish me luck in my pursuit!
Three: Maybe you just don’t like your plans… And just because you could, doesn’t mean you should!
I’d recently started running in a small group once a week and it was fun, social, not too challenging and I got a sense of accomplishment at the end. All in all it made me remember why I did love running once I got into the swing of things….. but of course I had big plans… (see point 2 on extemes) I would plan to smash the treadmill or beach each day in Kamalaya and by the end of the 5 days I would nail 10km – I mean 10KM in 14 weeks is way too long (Soft APP people who designed my new Running APP), who on earth needs that long – it’s all about discipline, now I have time, I used to run I can do that again… Plus I’d already given myself a break by not choosing the detox program, so I practially owed myself this.
Explanation from Rajesh about perhaps you turn something you like doing into a plan, but you don’t like the plan….
Sarah’ Brain: “Get out! What? No, I love Yoga… Running…. Entertaining…. Reading…..Partying….. Cooking….. Learning….. etc. etc I just need to sort out my motivation sometimes, I get distracted or lazy. Yep, I’m lazy.”
And a little more explanation from Rajesh. You plan things and in the process move away from what you actually enjoyed about the activity and turn it into something else…
Sarah’ Brain: “Maybe he had a point… but the session is up. Off to the wellness centre for a massage.”
So, day 1 and 2 I had some excuses – I mean hello, I was sooo busy and this place was so amazing… Then I felt guilty and decided to smash the treadmill, because I missed two days, I would have to run even further and faster to make up for it……. It was hot, I didn’t feel like it and I wanted to meet some people for breakfast (so I better run faster and only be 15 minutes late, because there is no way I am not running 6.5KM today!). So I did it and went to breakfast as bright as a beetroot.”
Sarah’s Brain (a little later that day): “Running…. okay, I don’t run in this place anymore…..”
So, I relaxed, I listened, I walked slowy and simply observed everything I could for the rest of the trip! 🙂
My Two Favourite Meals – Raw Pad Thai and Prawn Betal Leave Wraps
Okay, I couldn’t help but do a mini recreation of the Nut/Seed Buffet (served at Breakfast) when I got home (well I did it at work… of course all the jars match) … And I had to schedule in a private cooking lesson with the amazing Head Chef Edmond (because I did one, but was going to miss out on the 2nd class)… Okay, so a leopard can’t change all it’s spots in 5 days! haha.
And a little more Relaxing….
Anyway, I’m back in the land of the living again and trying to remember the wise words I heard there 🙂